Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
