Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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