Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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