He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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