I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
