I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
