I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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