So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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