flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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