I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
