3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
