He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She needs sedatives and a leash
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
