i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
