So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
