OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
