we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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