Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
