I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
