she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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