38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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