Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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