we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
only if we run a train.
done.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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