I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
