what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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