i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My feet surprised me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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