Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
