I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
