lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There's even glitter on my cock...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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