I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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