look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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