I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
