Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
