Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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