I accidentally had phone sex last night
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
