He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
