She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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