well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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