I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
