Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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