Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
