dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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