I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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