I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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