it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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