idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
