The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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