do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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