I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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