I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
