Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize